I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a search helicopter?!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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