Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How's work?
Spinning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
