perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize