What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
