im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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