Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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