I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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