Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
