So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
