In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
