and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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