If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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