Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am available for nakedness
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
