Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
