Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
