Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
