I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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