I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize