the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
