just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
