i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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