At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
