i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
