I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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