So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
