i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
