Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
