there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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