Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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