O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
