Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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