I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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