I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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