In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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