I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
