she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
