I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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