i just made my gag reflex go away.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
