Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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