your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will pee on everything he values.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
