We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
