I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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