my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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