i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
