nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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