your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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