What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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