There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
