So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
