glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize