i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
