So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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