I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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