at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
