Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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