How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
