That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
