There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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