So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
