Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
