I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize