those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
