...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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