I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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