You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
