Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
