Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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