I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So squirting runs in the family.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Come share oat with me in your robe
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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